Rosiel's Feathered Box

A Bell is Tolling

2007-07-06T05:58:00.000-05:00

Again, I haven't posted in this thing for a while. And I've got a lot of news, this time, too. We'll start off with me meeting a girl today, randomly. It was interesting... see, today, I also randomly decided to log onto Gaia again. I missed too many of my friends there, including my bro, Sei, the lovely IHD, and the lovable Zahir. And, a while ago, I joined a guild there...

It's a long story, but it's my blog, and no one is making you read this shit.

I was browsing through the GD at one point in time, when I noticed that someone was cosplaying a character from Angel Sanctuary. They were cosplaying Kira, and they were questing for a katana. I had two, from donating, and I usually only had one equipped, so I simply donated one of mine to him. Needless to say, he was happy. He was in a guild that RP'd with the Angel Sanctuary characters, and... well, my Gaia name is Angel Rosiel. Do the math.

He asked me to join, and it seemed very impolite to decline, so I joined.

This was roughly a week before everything went to Hell in a handbasket with my computer, so needless to say, I didn't do a lot of posting.

Well, when I returned, I felt really bad for... well, not being active. So, I took, what I thought was owner of the guild, a screen name, and IM'd this person. I wanted to apologize and ask how I could help. They weren't the owner, which is just my luck. But she seemed nice, so I kept talking to her. And, you know, it's refreshing to meet someone who won't instantly give out their name, sex, age, and whatever. It's refreshing to find someone who knew to use their head. And she's a gamer, too! *squee*

I've gotten people who will practically tell me where they live without knowing jack shit about me, and I'm sorry to say... that's just fucking stupid. I know that I have no intention of hurting these people... but please, do you know how many crazy fucktards there are out there that will rape you and kill you?

I'm not kidding. There are people that are out of their God-damned minds who sit there and actually look for people. And there are plenty. Did you know that all someone really needs to find you is your first name, your state, and what school you go to? It's that simple. And at the same time, it's gotten out of hand... just because someone is older than you does not mean that they're a sexual predator. There are some good people out there, too.

Like me, for instance. :<

In other news... I was finally able to tell something very important to someone. Lots of details, right? I've been in love with this person for a very long time, and they're actually one of the people that I've been afraid to tell this to... because they had someone else. They loved someone else very deeply, and it was very obvious. You know that kind of thing. And then someone else... well, it just creates problems. But I just blurted it out, like the bright young lad I am... and surprisingly, she didn't kill me.

Of course, she doesn't feel the same way. I wouldn't expect her to, and I obviously love her all the same. And I adore her love as well... and I want them to be together, if it all possible. These two people mean very much to me...

Ok, ok... I'll admit something. I'll say that I really hate people. Yeah, ok, fine. I don't. I don't hate them... I hate them at times, but not completely. I hate them when they make stupid mistakes and hurt each other. But if people were completely horrible, I wouldn't love so many of them. I love Raine, Faye, Ayu, my husband (obviously), Zahir, Serael, IHD, Ana... and a lot of others. But, yes.

I also met someone else recently. I call him Pinky. He calls me Eel Man for no apparent reason... so I get to call him something that doesn't make any sense, too. He's Sparkling Pink Dildo... but that takes too much time to type out, so he's Pinky. Deal with it. Very odd boy, but I definitely like him. He's a perv like I am, so I don't have to watch my language, or topic of conversation. Ever. It's wonderful.

I'm going to work on some Varus items later on, too. Pinky wants me to make those ninja masks, since he really likes them, but I'll have to check and make sure another SA isn't making them. I still need to reinstall Corel, though. I've been sort of dreading it. Without it on my computer, I can use the excuse that I don't have anything to work with, but with it there, it's just me being lazy. Damn. I also plan to finally finish re-making some of my old items. The crusader set is almost done, and it will be in female format, too! I'll finally get to fixing my damn Angel wings, as well. God, I wanted to kill those things as I was making them.

And I was so proud of them, too. *tear*

I also want to make some things for blobs. I wanted to make some new blob balls. And, no, I will not describe that until I make them. That's making you wonder what they are, isn't it? I'll bet I know what you think it is. You sick fuck. Well, I'll give you a hint. They're on FIRE. Because inanimate objects are awesome on fire. Especially toilet seats, right, sis?

And... this last bit, now. I'm dreading this. Because this is final. I can go and edit it, but, I wouldn't want to look at it again.

Daniel...

You're dead, aren't you?

Why a question? It's got to be... and yet I know it's not. I wish it were. I wish you were still alive, because I fucking MISS YOU. I want you here. I want you alive... I'm a selfish prick, but why did you have to die like that? Why did you die kissing me? You had to kiss me while you pulled the trigger? Did you want to kill me, too? It could have.

I've got a scar on my cheek that says it very much could have, hidden by my hair. Because I don't want people to ask about it. I don't want to remember about you. All you had to do was move the muzzle a little bit. It would have killed me too, then. And sometimes, I wish it had. Do you know what I went through? The questioning... the police, the doctors. They thought I killed you.

Do you know what it felt to be accused of that? Can you even imagine? Jesus, Daniel, you were one of the most important people of my life. I grew up with you. You were always there, just like Luc. The two of you annoyed the shit out of me. You didn't fucking like going to school EVER. I loved you, because you were there. You accepted me for the freak I was, and that was that.

You made me feel alive, why did you fucking have to go and die?! They wouldn't let me see the note you left, but I saw it anyway. You loved me? Is that why you did this? Because you loved me? You lying son of a bitch, if you loved me you'd never have done this. You'd never have taken yourself away from us.

You drove me mad, Daniel. After they figured out that I didn't kill you, they locked me in a mental institution. They say it was because I wouldn't eat, talk, or move. I wouldn't react. I was Catatonic. Or so they say. I can't remember. I blocked it out... well, most of it. I remember that sometimes, when I knew they weren't watching me, I'd move. And I'd think. About you.

And it would hurt, too. The pain never left me, and I grew tired of it. But it wouldn't go away. Only bringing you back would make it go away. But you were gone, weren't you? ... no. I brought you back. You didn't blow your brains out while kissing me. You never went upstairs and then called me to come and talk to you. You never died.

That's what I told myself, and only then I was able to function. But now, I need to come to terms. You're dead, Danny. You're dead and I can't wish you back, no matter how hard I try.

Chicken Juices that Invigorate

2007-05-06T14:59:00.000-05:00

Again, I haven't posted on this thing, but I have a good reason this time! I managed to get myself really, really sick. I swear to God that I have never had to down so many pills like I did that time. I'm surprised my shit wasn't white, I had to eat so many of them. I really hate pills, too. To me, those things are what symbolizes everything wrong. And they're white. Such a contradiction.

White's supposed to be the color of purity and bliss and all of that other happy shit. It's supposed to be that. But it's not. Not after they made hospitals white and pills white. That just totally killed the happiness.

Hospitals must be one of the most depressing places ever. You'd think that a place where people create life (giving birth) and where lives are saved would be happier, but they still can't get rid of the feeling and stench of death. It might just be me, though. Places that people associate with depression make me thrilled. Like, big empty libraries. I love them. I feel like I'm in a castle in one of those. And, they remind me of my husband, to boot.

A bunch of other places, too.

And, that's about it. I don't feel like writing right now. For those of you wondering about the title, I meant chicken soup. So stop freaking out, ok?

In the Shadow

2007-04-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in this thing for a while now, and I do apologize to anyone who was actually taking the time to read this thing once in a while. I've been really down lately, but no more.

I'm sick of being depressed and unhappy all of the time. So, I've decided that I'm not going to let myself be that way anymore. I'm going to force myself to get up off of my sad, depressed ass, and go do something. I used to be so lively, really. I miss that. And so does my husband; I can tell. Besides, me being in the dumps all of the time is getting to him as well... and when you really think about it, what right to I have to be moping about? There are people who have it worse than I do.

And I will do my best to be happy for them, and for myself.

So, here starts a new regime.

Well, first off, there is Varus. For those of you who don't know, I'm a moderator and Site Artist for Varus Online. And, for the most part, I love my job. I like making awesome items and I adore the rest of the Staff. Recently, we had a base update, and I've been a bit on the lazy side; I've made some new items, but I haven't converted all of my old items yet. I still need to convert the Dark Moon Goddess and Lunar Goddess Set, and then figure out how to make the "God" versions of it. There's the Crusader Set which will obviously be re-done, and I might even add some items to it to add realism to the set. (I'm kind of bitchy about that)

Lastly, there is my Drag Queen dress... which I've made several attempts at doing, but none of them satisfy me. I'm simply not good at pixel art dresses of any kinds! But, I'll make several more attempts, but then I may hand it over to another SA who I think could do better on it (which, in reality, is any of them; I suck). I do plan on doing several things for Varus, though, and I'm pretty excited at the prospect of some of them.

I plan to make sort of a Varus Magazine, which will be made via Corel Draw. It'll work as a newspaper of sorts. I'll see how it'll be posted, and if the Varus members will even like it. In general, I'm eagerly awaiting our main update!

In other news, I'm still working on the layout for the Roleplay blog that I keep up with some of my friends, the Seven Roses Bar. I basically know what I want it to look like, but it'll take a bit of work. There will be character bios and everything. Hopefully, that will done sometime soon, as well.

On Varus, I started a little story because I have nothing to do, The Chronicles of Varus. I've managed to write myself into a corner, but I've mostly got that resolved. I just need to stop being lazy and post. I don't know if I'll illustrate it or not. Perhaps when we're able to trade gold, I can hold an illustrations contest? I think that would be pretty cool. Assuming anyone reads it, at all.

I've also gotten a request from one of my old friends to illustrate a story that I wrote a while ago, and I've been slowly honoring that request; it's being completed via comic form on Deviant Art, but the updates on that thing will be pretty slow. I'm not too great at drawing in general, and I'm actually really having trouble laying out the comic. Layouts are just not my thing at all. But, I've got quite a collection of Manga and western comics to help me learn how to layout my comic, so hopefully it won't be too bad.

That's about it, for now, save my constant worries for my friends. Hopefully, my happiness will rub off on them. They, too, have been unhappy for far too long.

Valentine's Day

2007-02-15T11:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, so this might not be one of my favorite holiday, but I ususally do enjoy it because I have a kind and loving husband and I've got a son that I adore. But this time it was miserable. I really don't fucking know what's wrong with me. Everything was great. It really was. Varus was finally going to change the bases and we could make new clothing for them and things were... changing. Finally.

A welcome change.

I was getting along with my husband just fine. No fights or squabbles, and we're still not really having any...

But this is crashing down.

Falling all around me.

I don't know why, and I don't think that I can stop it. Something is wrong and it's me. I mean it. It's not him, or Raine, or Faye.

I've been fighting with Raine over the most stupid things. Stupid things! Pixeling. Yeah, I really don't like to do pixel art. I don't find it very fun as I think I'm not very good at it, but I was giving her a hard time because I hate it. That's not her fault, and I just started randomly while talking to her.

I couldn't believe the bullshit that was streaming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop, either. I really... just lost it. And still have it lost. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't feel that I can control myself right now. I tried to tell Raine, but I'm not sure she understood me. I tried to tell my husband, but.. when I tried, I couldn't. My breath caught in my chest and it felt like someone had reached inside me and was squeezing the shit of my lungs. I felt like someone dunked me in ice water; on top of not being able to breathe and having a stabbing pain in my chest, I was shaking all over.

He asked what was wrong. Of course he would ask. He didn't know that I was trying to tell him what was wrong. I tried again. It only got worse and I felt like I was going to collapse. I had tears in my eyes. I was so angry. I was ready to tell him. I wanted to tell him something, for once. I normally keep this kind of shit to myself. And of course... it didn't work. There had to be something else.

I made it seem like I was choking, and I don't think he believed me, I think he thinks it was my heart, and he's partly right. It was my heart, but not because it wasn't beating right this time. I am just so sick of this. I want everything to be all right, just for once. And it never is. There is always something wrong with the equation.

And that something is me.

Should I leave him? I must make his life pretty miserable with everything that's just plainly fucked up about me. I love him. I really do. And I want him. Always have, since I met him. He could do so much better than someone like me. I'm a dead end, and I'm probably off of my freaking nut, to boot.

I just don't know.

Creative Title to be inserted here

2007-02-01T18:20:00.000-05:00

I haven't written in this thing for a while, now. And, right now, I'm at work. My work is done, and I actually have some free time for once. So, I want to wisely spend that free time and rant. Not even rant. This is a good rant. A good one - I mean it.

I haven't even had time to be keeping up with Faye's blog like I usually do, and I regret that. I miss her a lot, actually. Faye's really become one of my best friends, and a person that I can easily love - further more, she's a person that I don't regret loving. And you know, I don't think I've ever told her that. I don't think I've ever told Faye what she means to me, and that is one thing that I regret a lot.

I love all of my friends, but lately, her and Meghan have been there for me the most.

I remember when I first met Faye. It was through Varus. We were both on the Site Artist team back then - I don't even think she was a moderator yet. Meghan was talking with me on IM, and I remember just scrolling through some of the threads when I saw Faye's post about Meghan. Faye was pissed off at her - she thought that Meghan was this stuck up bitch that was full of herself. I can't remember what had set her off at the time, to be honest.

I knew that wasn't true - Meghan spoke highly of Faye, but of course... Faye didn't know that. Meghan's shy and could no more have told Faye that she admired her than I could tell her now that I really love her. And Meghan didn't know what to say when she saw Faye's post. I know she tried posting herself and explaining, but it didn't work. Me, being an idiot, I got into it, too.

And I posted what I thought was the problem - a communication error, basically. Sounds like something a machine would say, doesn't it? "Communication Error # 405!" And after a while, both girls calmed down... then things drifted more or less toward mutual friendship. I still didn't exactly speak to Faye for a long while - I'm really too, and usually scared of meeting new people, but I don't like to admit it.

After... I'm going to say, about a year or so, I remember getting Faye's AIM screen name, and after a few things going down on Gaia, I really needed someone to vent and rant to, or the person that I was pissed at was going to find their head, amoung other body parts, missing and sent to several different countries. Faye was online... and she listened. Someone she didn't know all that well was sitting there bitching to her about God knows what... and she listened.

She didn't have to, but she did.

And I remembered that she did.

When she had something that she needed to talk about, she had my AIM screen name, too. She bitched and ranted and vented just the way that I had before. Oddly, enough, that's how our friendship started.

Things just went on from there. We got to know each other better, and to be honest, if you're going to sit there and scream and rage, you might want to know something about the person who's listening to you, especially if you're going to do it more than once.

Over the years, I guess I just fell in love with her. And not the kind of love that makes babies. A union between her and I would surely create the Antichrist, and I don't quite want to destroy the world yet. But all the same, I love her. She was there for me, and despite the fact that she insists that she's an awful person... she really isn't.

Faye isn't one of the nicest people that I've ever met, but at the same time she is one of the nicest people that I've met. She's got a rough character, like me, and just as people have (hopefully) learned to see through my character, I've learned to see through Faye's as well, to see what she's really like.

She's a sweet person. Sure, she's got a sharp tongue on her, but then again, so do I. Hell, so does Meghan if you manage to royally piss her off. Trust me; I've done it. She can be really rough, but usually her intention is to help you through something, to help you see something that's dangling in front of your face that you either refuse to see, or that you just can't see, rather than hurt you. I remember having a fight with Sei over something, and frankly, I was going to give up. When I told Faye, she basically said, "What the fuck are you doing?" and yelled at me; That got me to my senses, and it got me to not give up. I was able to help out Sei, whom I also care deeply about.

And right now, she needs someone, and I can't be there for her. I really want to be there. I even think that I know what's wrong.

It's him.

It's because he hasn't come into contact.

And it hurts. It must hurt. She was holding on for so long; she was brave.

But it got to her. And now she's left with this pain.

I want to make it go away. But I need her to tell me first.

I wish she would tell me so that I could help her. And not feel so helpless to help a friend that would do whatever they could to help me. Of course, if wishes were horses, I'd have a fucking farm by now.

All I want is for her to be happy. For my friends to be happy, too. I'm not even asking for my own happiness, although having them happy would make me happy as well. It's a vicious cycle, you see.

Attention! There has been a recall.

2007-01-02T22:19:00.000-05:00

So, it's a new year, now.

2007.

I hope it's going to be better than 2006 was, seeing as I believe 2006 was a pretty bad year.

I was feeling really bad, mentally, in 2006 more than I ever had before. I see someone when my problems get too bad for me to control, and I don't take any kind of medicine for it, and never will. I don't believe that turning me into an emotionless zombie will make my problems go away, and if I can't act like myself, who is it that I must act like? If I take that medicine, who am I?

But usually, it's not that bad.

It has been, though. It happened so suddenly, too. Things would be going well for once. Well, Goddamnit! I wouldn't be having any problems with my family. I wouldn't be feeling ill because of my heart, things at work would be going well. It was sunny. The fucking glass was half full!

And then it would all fade, like someone just cut me and drained it all out of me in an instant. And when I mean in an instant, I mean that literally. This feeling of dread and misery would replace my happiness in an instant. There is usually no trigger, either. It just happens.

Everything just falls apart. I hate it when that happens, because everyone wants to know why it happened. Especially my husband. He always wants to know, "Did I do something wrong?". It breaks my heart for him to think that he's done something to hurt me when he hasn't. And as much as I try to tell him that he hasn't done anything bad at all, he won't listen to me.

There were things that upset me, of course. I was very, very depressed because things weren't going well on Varus. I was always worried about the site owner, Jessica, because she was God-knows-where all of the time, and I was afraid that some idiot would decide to hurt her because of who she is. And, the site was falling apart. I thought that I could feel it.

Because Jess was God-knows-where, she couldn't exactly work on the site and fix any mistakes, or make any progress on the site itself. And as much as I tried to make things right, both for the the site and Jess, it was like repeatedly hitting your head against a brick wall.

Then, I met a man named Steve. I originally hated him, but after deciding that yelling at me for breaking the rules on a forum where he's a moderator was only his job, I thought that I'd get to know him a bit. And I really love the guy. He's sweet and funny, not the evil life-hating thing everyone seems to make him out to be.

It just happened that one day, his sister was ill, and had to be taken to a hospital. It seemed to be a really potent-nasty infection, at first... but then, it turned out that she had a form of cancer.

And.. well... she died.

I didn't speak to him much during this period, because he wasn't around as much (for obvious reasons), but whenever I did talk to him, I could tell he was miserable and depressed, no matter how much he tried to hide it (assuming he was doing so, conciously), and well.. he's my friend. I didn't want him to be unhappy. But that took it's toll on me, too...

Then, exactly a week from when Steve's sister died, my mother had a stroke. She was in a coma, and then died.

Not a happy time.

There were good things, of course. I did get to make some new friends and move on in life. I was able to marry my husband, finally (though not legally, since we're both men, but who cares?).

But, in a nutshell, 2006 was a shitty year.

2007, now.

7 is a my favorite number. We'll see how much good it does me, now.

Interview: Faye

2006-12-27T18:46:00.000-05:00

Note: This interview was done for no particular reason. The questions were thought up of randomly. This interview was done over Yahoo! Instant Messanger, and will be presented in that format.

If you are offended by anything you read, you have my apologies for my bad question-making-up skills, but you are not to go bother Faye about it.

In other words, deal with it.

Thank you.

~Rosiel

Rosiel Leonhardt: If Nietzsche were to go to Heaven when he died, what do you think God would have said to him?

Faye: I suppose if I were God, I'd just say "Well, fuck you!" But I doubt God would say fuck you.

Rosiel Leonhardt: But why would He say that, then?

Faye: Because I'd be all "Haha you were wrong. You suck." *Happy dance of God*

Rosiel Leonhardt: In your opinion, why can't humans find a common ground and live peacefully, even though we understand that we'll eventually kill ourselves if we don't?

Faye: It's hard to pinpoint one reason that I would want to say. There are many reasons. Fear, the natural feeling many people have to fight and survive, some rivelries are ancient and ingrained in people's minds.

Rosiel Leonhardt: Do you think humans will be able to stop themselves, or will we all blow ourselves into Oblivion?

Faye: I'm inclined to believe the second option. Humans are self-destructive in more then one way. Some are not avoidable, either.

Rosiel Leonhardt: If you were part of a culture that frequently ate dogs and cats, would you be able to have one as a pet?

Faye: That's too hard to answer. I don't come from a culture that does and I've grown up with cats and dogs always with me. The only way I know to think is "I love them" I can't even imagine eating a cat or a dog.

Rosiel Leonhardt: If you came into the sudden possession of a pet penguin, what would you name him or her?

Faye: I suppose that would depend upon the penguin... Maybe... Something cheesy that rhymed with penguin. Or some obnoxiously long name, dissproportionate to the size of the penguin... All really grand names... That's always fun. William Ceaser Alexander Neville Ferguson Campbell Morgan and insert my last name at the time. That took a long time to come up with. I had to use google. xD

Rosiel Leonhardt: What comes to mind when you hear the words, "Psychotic Gecko"?

Faye: Geico.

Rosiel Leonhardt: Why?

Faye: Because of the Geico Gecko.

Rosiel Leonhardt: He's psychotic?

Faye: That depends on how you view a talking gecko with an accent who does commercials and sells car insurance... And drive a tiny car. But honestly, gecko = geico so easily, I barely consider the psychotic part.

Rosiel Leonhardt: Who is your favorite author in the Horror/Suspense genre?

Faye: I don't have one. I don't know it well enough.

Rosiel Leonhardt: What about Stephen King?

Faye: I like Stephen King, but I don't really know enough authors who write that sort of thing to say he's my favorite.

Rosiel Leonhardt: If you were a character in one of his stories, would you be one of the characters that died, or one of the characters that lived?

Faye: I think I'd rather be one that died. Get it all over with. Besides, it's more fun.

Rosiel Leonhardt: How would you die?

Faye: I'd hope in some noteworthy way.

Rosiel Leonhardt: How would you react if you woke up one day to find yourself the opposite sex of what you are?

Faye: I'd probably be fucking scared to death. Firstly, I'd have to try to accept that it was possible to wake up suddenly the opposite sex, then I'd have to accept I was. Much yelling and cursing. I like being female. I like my boobs. I wouldn't be pleased.

Rosiel Leonhardt: What if I were to hit on you while you were in that state?

Faye: Well I just dont' know what I'd do or say. Normally I'd flirt. xD Because I am a flirt. But as a guy? I don't know if I'd even be able to function. xD

Rosiel Leonhardt: What would you do with me if by some weird legal binding, it turned out that I was your slave for life, and there was nothing I could do to get out of it?

Faye: I'm assuming I wouldn't be able to choose to free you myself... I'd not treat you as a slave. It would be like a fake title.

Rosiel Leonhardt: Suppose that I was required to stay with you, in order to perform whatever tasks were assigned to me, and since I am unable to get a job in that situation, you had to feed me and clothe me?

Faye: Then I would. I wouldn't really expect anything [from you].

Rosiel Leonhardt: I'm sure that I would have to do some work so that the expense of keeping me around would be worth it. I eat a lot.

Faye: That's alright. >.<

Philadelphia

2006-12-23T16:01:00.000-05:00

Well, nothing much to this blog post, and unfortunately, there may not be more for some time yet. I've just moved to Philadephia and things are... a little different here. In fact, now that I think about it, it's a great setting for one of my time-honored rants. And so rant I shall.

People and driving. People in each state complain about other drivers, and I understand that PA is probably not one of the worst states, nor is Philadephia one of the worst areas (I believe Washington DC holds #1), but it's pretty fucking bad. I was born in a city, and lived most of my life in a city, but in a different country. I'm from Russia, and there, if you can afford a car, you're pretty fucking careful with it.

Buying a car in Russia is extremely expensive. Most people buy a car in the United States (I've even heard of a few buying them from Germany or England, but I imagine that buying from there would be even more expensive than just buying in Russia), then ferrying it over to Russia, and then it's still a lot cheaper.

People also drive better there, in general. Our test for obtaining a driver's liscense is a lot harder than anything in the States, and it's a lot less stupid, too. They don't test you on if you remember why the color of this sign is red or green. They actually test you on your driving ability, especially in bad weather. If Mother Nature won't aid the test, they have things to simulate ice, snow, and rain.

Now, in America, on the other hand... people don't really care. I'm willing to bet that a good 70% of the population can't drive properly, and for some reason, people in the city just assume that because they're in the city, the rules and laws of the road don't apply anymore. While I will rant and rave that most of it is the fault of the idiots who are behind the wheel, not all of it is. Sometimes, I think it's just a bad planning out of the roads and such.

For example. The famous, dangerous, and trecherous Left Hand Turn. In Maryland, on the crossing-light, people making a left hand turn could make the turn as soon as the light was green, providing that there was no flow of opposing traffic, which is extremely unlikely. They were also given an arrow, which had opposing traffic stop and allowed the person to comfortably and safely make a left-hand turn.

But no... where they actually NEED to have something like that, like the FUCKING CITY, they don't. Idiots.

The prices in PA are A LOT lower than they are in Maryland, and the food is just as good, if not better. For exmaple, buying ground beef was a problem in Maryland, especially in some of the less expensive stores. I like making beef cutlets and tacos sometimes, and since I want them to taste good, I buy the best grade ground beef there is.

What those assholes do in Maryland is this: They take the old groun beef, ball it up, and then they cover it with the fresh, new, good-looking ground beef, package it up, and sell it. Doesn't always matter where I buy from. They do it in Giant, Safeway, Superfresh, Food Lion, etc. That's not just cheap, it's also dangerous. Ground anything, whether it's beef, pork, chicken, or turkey, is more likely to have bacteria and all sorts of nasty crap, because it's more fucking processed.

They don't do that here, in Philly. I bought some ground beef, opened it up, and was amazed. Let's see... what else. I like eating Stouffer's creamed spinich thingy. In Maryland (Howard County, folks) the price for one such small package is about $3.89, $2.99 if it's on sale. Here, in Philly, without a sale, it cost me $1.56. FOR THE SAME FUCKING THING. And this list can go on and on.

I mean, I understand that people in Maryland make more money than they do in Pennsylvania, but not by much!

And that's all for today, folks. On the next episode of Rosiel Rants!, we will have a guest: Fellow Blogger, Faye! We'll even have interview questions, and there will be a nice little sampling of her perfected rants. Don't forget to visit her blog, linked here in the Other Blogs section of the site.

Over and out.

I Read the News today, Oh Boy.

2006-11-14T16:13:00.000-05:00

I read a few news articles today, and the stupidity of the Human race never ceases to amaze me. The first article I read was about a US Marine being shot in the back of the head with an M-16. Was he killed by a terrorist? Was he attacked by an insurgent? Was it the result of Friendly Fire?

No.

He was lying down in his bunk, after watching Star Wars. One of his idiot buddies forgot that his other buddy's M-16 rifle was loaded, and it accidently went off, hitting the poor Marine in the head, and killing him. The two men where charged with Involuntary Manslaughter, and one is being charged with negligent discharge of a weapon, and the other is charged with dereliction of duty, additionally.

Marines are required to dry-fire their weapons into sand-filled barrels or sacks before they enter any building. After that, they're required to be checked by another soldier to make sure that they're unarmed. Apparently, even though this is a rule, there is no punishment for failing to follow it. What pisses me off, as it's pissing off the mother of the dead Marine, is that no one is being punished for what caused the accident: the fact the no one was following a very common sense rule.

Ok... I expect this kind of thing to happen amongst civilians - aka, normal people. I don't expect to see or hear about this shit when they're talking about MARINES. You spend months in training as a Marine. Don't they fucking teach you how to use your God damned head? The article also mentioned that the mother and the two Marines are making a "safety" video. What the fuck, seriously? These are the people that we are trusting to protect us.. and now, they need special "videos" to learn common sense? For the love of God...

Oh, and I'm not a complete prick. I'm sorry about the Marine's death, and I send my condolances to his family. Hopefully, in the future, such a stupid accident can be avoided.

In other news, the program, Toys for Tots, rejected 4,000 dolls.... of Jesus. I mean, holy fuck. Battery powered Jesus! Everyone wants one of those. I know I would. But Toys for Tots is run by the military, and the military, as a Government entity or whatever the hell, isn't allowed to prefer one religion over another. The toys are being given to children, and obviously, they know nothing of the children's religious or ethnic background. I guess they think it's a bad idea to give Jesus to a Jewish or Muslim kid, as the article mentioned.

What I think is stupid is that there is such a need for consideration. It's a toy. A toy is a toy. Religion, though something that is meant to promote love and peace, is one of the things that causes Humans to divide themselves. The fact that it causes wars and general unrest is obviously a given, but to think that it would affect something as simple and innocent as a toy is just ridiculous. I mean in both ways, where it's stupid that there is a toy like that in the first place, and where it's stupid that people are so sensitive to a TOY.

I find the fact that there are religious toys offensive. I have always believed that someone's religion should be their own choice, and not something they're forced into. Religion is a serious thing, and not fun and games; there should be no toys of it. Stop brain washing your fucking kids and let them decide on their own what they want to believe.

In our "weird and fucked up stories" department, I have the story of Michael and Sharen Gravelle, who had adopted 11 "Special needs" children and... had them all sleeping in cages. The children were between the ages of 1 and 15. They had varying disorders... but what irks me is that the lawyers for the "parents" are very confident that they will easily win the case. That's messed up. Children aren't animals, and they shouldn't be kept in cages.

It's sad that there should even be a consideration for these people being innocent. They're having trouble finding a jury for the trial, because everyone is biased against the couple in some way. I'm not surprised, personally. I don't see how the couple and their lawyers can claim that they weren't mistreating the children when the little fuckers were sleeping in CAGES. Because, being forced to sleep in a cage that is used to keep chickens isn't being mistreated at all. Oh, no.

And this case is yet another piece of evidence that the American Justice system is anything but. These people obviously have some issues and aren't fit to be within 10 feet of a child, but... there is need to prove it? Why is there not enough proof for you bastards? Why are they even being considered as "innocent"? What is wrong with this country, where people like this have even a chance of getting off without punishment?

Our last bit of news features the very image of idiocy.

The following video shows a man attempting to rob what looks like a 7/11, or something similar.

Another Mark left in Hell

2006-11-12T19:22:00.000-05:00

First of all, I have found out that Killer_Spork isn't dead. She died, clinically, but was then revived. Her mother heard that she was dead, immediately phoned Spork's sister, and she went to tell us. She was obviously in a weird mood, so she wasn't contacting anyone or anything... and her mother was unable to reach her, and thus let us know that she was alive.

She seems to be recovering, and I wish her a speedy recovery.

Now, back to today's regularly scheduled rant.

My rant today will be something different than from what I usually do. It may or may not be boring to you. If it's boring, I'm terribly sorry, but no one is making you read this piece of shit anyway.

This is one of those times where I sat down, thinking, again. I thought... and then decided I didn't want to think about it. Really, I didn't. It's not something that anyone would want to think about. That, and I didn't know how to explain it. Me, sitting there, screaming fucktawtcuntdickshitcocksuckermotherfucker wouldn't help anything at all. And that's what it would be. In my rage, it's all I can do. It's pathetic, if you really think about it.

But, then, I read Faye's blog entry, and I thought that I woud try anyway. Because, seeing that, it forced me to think of the most pathetic, wretched, useless, pitiful, and worthless creature known to me.

Myself.

I'm sorry for being myself.

I am. I don't mean to be what I am. I've been told numerous times that I'm a kind and gentle being. I'm not. I'm violent, cruel, and, on top of that, a suicidal twit. I know that I can be kind. I do care for my friends, after all. More than care. I love them. Whom else am I to love? I've only got my friends, my husband, and my son.

I can't bring myself to say that I loved you - my parents. I tried. I tried because they were my parents. You are the people who gave life to me. All of my experiences, bad and good, are only possible because you brought about my existance. And I am grateful that I am given the chance to live. To experience what is denied to many. Yet, I am still an ungrateful swine, but we'll get to that part later.

I was never enough for you. There was always something more that was wanted of me. I understand that wanting the best possible for and from your child is all right. To push your child, to want them to strive for the best possible outcome... but is it ok to never tell that that they're fine the way the are? Is it ok to never realize that no one is totally perfect and that there will always be something wrong with your child?

That there will always be something wrong with me? That's the way it was, wasn't it? I wasn't manly enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't funny enough, I wasn't quick enough, I wasn't handy enough, I wasn't kind enough, I wasn't assertive enough, I wasn't tough enough, I wasn't tall enough, I wasn't cute enough, I wasn't coordinated enough, I WASN'T FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH.

That's all you ever told me.

"YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE MY SON."

.. Well, I'm so fucking sorry. And then you wonder why I'm bitter. Well, at first you wondered. Then you just stopped giving a shit. My sister had to do your job. She didn't have to do that, and she shouldn't have needed to do it, because it was your fucking job.

I wasn't even worth your time for that. But why? Fucking tell me why. I demand it. This is something that has messed me up and fucked me up and nothing will ever fix it. And you did this to me. I want to fucking know why!

And... love you? Love you? ... I can't. I hate you! But can I hate you? Am I allowed to hate you? I don't know... I just don't know what I want, or what I can do. I feel like an aweful little prick for hating you - you're my parents!- but you never treated me like a child. I was a stranger in my own home.

And so... you tormet me. You're both gone, you've both succumbed to your age, but you still torment me, and it will probably never leave me.

You made me feel like nothing. You made me believe that I am nothing. I want to die. What do you think of that? Do you care? I never told you that I wanted to kill myself, and you never heard of my attempts. I couldn't confide in you. What was there to confide in? There was nothing there.

Would you care? Would you ever shed a tear for me, Father? Would you give me a hug, Mother? Would you regard me as your son and not some monster in your house?

Sparkling Angels

2006-11-07T06:13:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to sleep with the news that Killer_Spork, one of the Varus members, had gotten into a car accident, and a rather serious one, for she was in a coma. I woke up at 05:31 am to see if Varus needed me to some moderating, and when I was poking through the topics, I came across the topic which stated that Killer_Spork was in a coma.

She has died.

Her sister was somehow granted permission onto her account, and has made the announcment.

What the hell is it with people around me dying? I prayed for her. Is it because I prayed? I normally don't, and somehow, the few times when I did pray, the people die. Am I cursed? If it hadn't been for me, would Steven's sister Natalie have lived? Would Sporky still be with us today? Is it my fault, Lord?

I know that it seems like a silly thing to think, but I can't help it. I didn't know Sporky extremely well, but I liked her a lot. I'm a prick by nature I tend to dislike people rather than like them right away, and she was one of the few people that I liked right away. I hope that she can rest in peace.

Now, I had a whole big-ass rant planned before I saw the sad news, and I'll continue with it. Personally, if I were dead, I wouldn't want my death to make things come to a halt. I'd want them to continue, and knowing Sporky for the kind of person she was (or seemed to be, at least)
I'm sure she'd feel the same way. She seemed to like things up and moving.

I was reading the news the other day, when I noticed that a Mr. Saddam has gotten the death sentence, as well as his half-brother (or some weird shit like that) and some other high-ranking official. Now, this rant isn't about their death sentence, specifically. It's about the death sentence in general. And one of the people that disagree with it, but probably not for the reasons that one would expect.

I hate how the death sentence takes too fucking long and costs way too much money. And what's this "humane" bullshit? This may be a murderer who raped, tortured, and killed women and men. This may be someone who ran around shooting people for no good reason. This may be someone who kidnapped little children and let them starve to death in their basment. And you want to kill this son of a bitch humanely? What the fuck is wrong with you retards? Just put a bullet in his head, and save yourself some time and money.

And I believe that there is a limit to how many people can be put to death each year. What a crock of shit. And what about people who kill others and get several years. Right. He's sitting there, reading books, watching TV, getting 3 meals a day, a place to sleep, weight lifting, classes, free medical care. Right. That fucker is being punished. Like Hell he is.

Oh, sure, I realize that prisoners get killed by other prisoners, and possibly raped, and stuff. Yeah, that happens. But some of them, not all, deserve it. And a shit load more.

And while I'm bitching about the American "justice" system, I might as well adress another issue. What is this shit about protecting prisoners so that they can get "justice"?. I'll bring up an example. When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy (I fucking hate Kennedy, but let's not get into that), the police were trying to protect him. This man just shot and killed your president... and you're protecting him. So that he can sit in a prison cell for a while, using the money of tax payers for the various "services" that prisoners get, and then he gets a trial, and then he's back to using up money.

Luckily, Oswald was shot before they could do this mockery of justice to him. And he got his justice. A bullet in the head. I don't need a court full of people I don't know and some over-paid asshole with a black robe and a hammer to tell me what justice is. I'm all for making sure that a crime was committed before any actions taken, as shooting someone in the head is something you can't quite take back... but once you know they did it, just kill them.

None of this "but we're lowering ourselves to his level" bullshit. I don't like it when people die for no reason. I don't like it when anything dies pointlessly. But if some asshole runs around killing a bunch of people, his death isn't pointless. That, my friend, is justice. An eye for an eye! If such killing occurs, the world is already blind.

And I really wish this wasn't so. I do wish that people wouldn't do this, so that we wouldn't need any kind of justice, whether it be true justice or some fucked up mockery. And it grieves me to see the human race like this, but I don't think it can be helped.

And that concludes my rant for now. Again, I'd like to send out my wishes for Sporky's family, and I hope that she can rest in peace.

An Arrow From the Sun

2006-11-06T06:36:00.000-05:00

As you all have noticed, my layout is complete now. There might be a tweak here or there, but it's done. And I want to take this moment to thank my code slave for all of her hard work, and basically, without her, this blog wouldn't be here. I'm a picky bastard, and I don't like the default layouts. Being stuck with a default layout, I probably wouldn't have ever bothered to make the blog.

My code slave also has a blog, and once I'm certain that she's actually updating it, I'll link it here for you all to read. She's feeling better now, I believe. I know the stitches in her mouth are coming out slowly(she's complained about it), and hopefully they'll be out in about a week or so.

I'm working on the picture-layout for the blog right now. I think it will include our characters as the main picture, but I'm having like the artists version of writers block right now. I'm probably going to draw it by hand, and then enhance it digitally. I still have no clue what the bio pages will look like, though. My code slave and I are still discussing that, but we'll have some idea soon. Right now, I just want to remind anyone who's in the RP and reading this that I need the bios to be written before we can actually do the layout for them, so please finish them ASAP.

My heart also goes out to Scott and Faye, at the moment. I've read Faye's recent blog entry, and though I've known what's going on, I couldnt' really do anything about it. That hasn't changed; I still can't do anything about it, but I'm praying that everything will go well and that Scottie will be ok. Faye doesn't deserve to worry so much, nor does poor Scott deserve so much pain, both physically from whatever ails him, and emotional, from his parents.

I hope that it is soon resolved.

And for now, that's it. I have something to rant about, but I'm so into trying to draw the layout that the ranting fluids just aren't flowing properly. I'll probably post it later in the day, or tomorrow.

Musings

2006-11-04T05:08:00.000-05:00

It is currently 05:22 am. I don't give a shit what time this says I posted. My computer think that I live in Africa, anyway. Why not change the time setting? Very simple. That requires about 7 or 8 extra clicks in my day, and with my busy schedual, I just can't afford to waste that kind of time.

I'm really bored, and as usual, I've been thinking about things, and going over things that have happened.

So, here's the news:

I got modded recently at www.varusonline.com. I was actually a bit surprised; I didn't expect anyone there to mod me at all. It's way harder than I thought it would be, but at the same time, very satisfying. It pisses me off when people do certain things, and a lot of those certain things, like flooding, flaming, and trolling, happen to be against the rules. So, I get to actually scream at people doing that.

Luckily, I rarely need to do my job; Varus seems to have a mature community for the most part, although I have a few issues with some idividual users there. One of the things that I really like is that, unlike Gaia, the admin actually post. I always thought that was spiffy - the admin on Gaia act like Gods, while the admin on Varus seem more like really smart police officers.

I'm not trying to say that the Gaia admin are pompous - I understand perfectly well that they probably don't have a lot of time, especially considering Gaia's user base. It's just that the presense of both admin makes Varus seem more like... home.

There are a few things that really piss me off, though. There was something new that was supposed to happen. I was really looking forward to this new thing - and... I don't think we'll ever be able to get it now. I even made stuff for the new thing (I can't tell anyone what it is, because I'm not really supposed to know in the first place), and I worked hard on the stuff for the new thing... and so, I'm really upset that it probably won't come.

I've argued about this with one of the admin for countless times (she's also my code slave for the blog layout), and technically, I shouldn't be angry at her; she hasn't got any control over this. I'm slightly more angry at our other admin, the founder. She's in a situation where she isn't able to get to her server right now... and although I don't know every little detail, I think she could have avoided it - and that she can remedy it - if she'd swallowed her pride for just a little bit.

I mean, I'm not totally mad at her. She's a kind hearted person, and she's very intelligent. I just wonder if she's a little naive sometimes. She's trusting and... just... trusting. Her kindness has put her in situations that aren't good, and had she not been as trusting, she wouldn't be in them. I'm just very annoyed that this happens to be one of the situations that could have been avoided.

Worst of all, I don't have the heart to tell her this. Like I said before, it's not as if she's doing this on purpose or being lazy. She's in a bad situation, and I'm not the kindest with words. I'd get very upset if I made her upset, and I know that something like this will. I just wish I knew what I could do to fix it. All I can do is continue to support the site with everything I've got, because otherwise I'm powerless. It just feels kind of hopless, though, and I'm afraid to say that I'm on the verge of giving up hope. I push on because I care about the two admin, I'm friends with those on the mod squad, the user base is all right, and face it; as one of the Site Artists, my blood and sweat is in that site!

In other news, I started an RP here, on blogger, with my friends. I think it's going pretty well so far, and it too, will have a modified layout once my code slave is feeling better (Ye olde code slave got her wisdom teeth surgically removed, and is in a lot of ye olde pain). It'll have a similar layout to my blog's once it's finished, with a few more modifications and differences. I haven't been this excited about RP for a long, long time. I hope to make it awesome.

It's not much to look at right now, and there aren't very many entries, but if anyone is interested, it can be found here, at http://thesevenrosesbar.blogspot.com/

To read it, you'd have to start from the bottom and work your way up.

I'm working on my comic, but I've run into a few problems. I have the theme, and what I want it to be about, and everything, but I can't figure out how to start off the comic well, and if I should do it completely by hand, digitally, or a mix of the two. And I also don't have all of the time in the world, so I'm not sure that I will be able to update it regularly. And I'm uncertain if I have to add a warning that one must be 18 or older to read it, because there's no way in hell I plan on censoring it, and there may be parts that will turn the R rating (because of fuckity the fuck fuck, amoung other wonderful phrases) into a possible X rating.

I still have to look all of that stuff up, but I'm currently too lazy. I'm not feeling well at all, and when you're sick, you get really lazy. It can be expressed by the following mathmatical formula:

L = mass x height/ 7.3245

Indeed.

Deus Ex Machina

2006-10-24T13:49:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about a lot of things, and one of them was the existance of the Human race. Not "why do humans exist". That's pretty obvious, to me. Humans exist for the same reason any other animal does - to pass on your genes and thus continue the existance of your race. In order to pass on your genes, you must live. To live, you need to survive and adapt to your environment. And humans excel in that, don't they?

But they are so cruel, humans. They don't do anything too different from other animals; humans kill and are aggressive. Are humans cruel and animals not so much because humans are smart enough to realize what they're doing it and then they keep doing it anyway? Is the "knowing" what is making the act cruel, and not just the act itself?

I'd say so. When an animal kills, it normally doesn't do so with hate and anger. An animal will kill because it needs to. It needs to eat, or defend itself. It won't kill because it doesn't like the way you look, or because you think differently, or because it's bored. Only humans kill for sport - kill because they think it's fun.

Humans kill more out of emotion and sport than they kill for actual necessity. And that causes a lot of problems, namely for humans themselves. For example; humans thought that having wolves too close to their homes and farms was dangerous, because the wolves might harm them and their livestock. This is true, but the reaction was completely over the top. What did humans do?

They killed off most, if not all, of the wolve's population. I'll not go on the fact that humans are invading the environment of the wolves, but now they've got another problem that the idiots didn't think of until it was too late to really do anything. The wolves preyed upon deer, rabbits, and other animals. Now that there aren't any left, those other animals are growing too great in numbers, thus causing even more problems.

Brains, motherfuckers. Do you use them?

Now, I'm going to go on about what humans do to each other. I'll give a prime example. The Crucades. And no, I'm not going to link this to religion and Christianity. At least, not the way you think I will. The Crucades themselves had nothing to do with Christianity. It was to aquire more land and resources. What happened was that the church was using the people in that manner.

Back in those days, the church had at least equal, if not more, power than the government. And this Church/state government needed more land. But people don't want to fight, usually. At least, not unless they're extremely riled up, or there's something in it for them that they can see. Wars and such lead to death, and while everyone wants to kill everyone else dead, they don't want to die themselves.

Those were the days when only the rich were educated, and the poor man had to get what he could from the church. Of course the church is going to brainwash him, using religion and God, for their own ends. It was only too easy for them to say, "Look! Those DEMONS have got our Holy Land. We must fight to take it back. We will fight in the name of God!"

See, at that point, the people should have gone, "lol, wut?"

Christianity is one of those religions that promotes PEACE, not VIOLENCE. KILLING is VIOLENCE. Shit, even the first thing you see when you open the fucking book are the Ten Commandments. One of those happens to be Thou Shalt Not Kill.

THOU SHALT NOT KILL.

The Bible, assholes! Do you read it?!

No. It's ok to kill those other humans because they're DEMONS. They're DEMONS because they have a different culture, which allows them to adapt to their own environment, and because they look different from us.

Kill, kill, kill!

Right.

You fucking retards.

Instead of questioning what they should have questioned, or at least tried to counter the whole "kill the demons!" thing with logic, the people grabbed their gear, and set off to conquer the Holy Land.

They couldn't have been bothered to think, "If we're all God's children, why would He want us to go off and kill each other?"

No, that's too fucking hard, isn't it?

It's much easier to think about the GLORY and FAME one would recieve in the eyes of other humans and God if he were to defeat the DEMONS in the HOLY LAND. Nevermind that they're innocent people just trying to get by, the same as you. Nevermind that you're not supposed to go killing other people, especially when your religion says not to kill things.

Arrogant bastards.

And that's just one of many, many, many examples.

I'll rant later, however. If I get anymore upset by this, I might bust a vein.

60 Stationwagons of Kungfu Fury

2006-10-22T22:14:00.000-05:00

No, really. That's the name of a band. A real band. As in, I can probably find their music somewhere
and upload it here or something for you all to listen to. A few hours ago, my husband awoke with a
killer toothache, and upon my inspection of his tooth, we both decided it would be wise to visit a
detist ASAP and have it removed. Which is going to be as early as the dentist gets into his office,
so here I am, awake, with nothing to do.

My new layout will be available momentarily, as well. My friend had a lot of work to do for college,
so she wasn't able to work on the coding, which is perfectly fine. College is important, kiddies.
Remember that.

Anyway, since I have to keep myself awake long enough to drive him there (he's in a LOT of pain,
so him driving would be a very bad idea), I thought I'd go listen to some random bands that I've
never really heard of, thus giving my blog an actual point beyond bitching about random things
that very few, if any, people care about.

A few nights ago, I found a random photo of a band named Mew. Fucking MEW. Like, the kitty
sound. And these are all men. And they're hot. And I think they're actually straight. That's amazing,
considering this guy can hit some pretty high octaves. So, like anyone who found a photo of a band with a weird band that they've never heard of before, I downloaded a few of their songs. They don't sound too bad, surprisingly. It's happy-lovey-dovey music, and it's not really rock.

Mew has a serious boy-band thing going on, but they are tolerable. It's cute. If you decide to actually listen to them, I recommend the songs, Snow Brigade and Special.

I also thought I'd listen to Jack Off Jill, since people who like a few of the same bands I like also like these guys. Or, should I say gals. The lead singer is definately female, and while her voice is nice, I don't think she's using it to the full effect. The music is reletively plain, and she isn't using her voice enough to complement it fully, so the music sounds really dull and slow. She half sings and half talks, and if she sang fully, it would probably be awesome. To fully judge them, however, I'd have to listen to some more of their music. The lead singer really reminds me of Courtny Love, though, and I'll be fucked if I know why. I was listening to Fear Of Dying.

Since I liked Evanescence's original album, I thought I would give her new album a whirl. Dear fucking God, what did she do? I either heard or read somewhere that her song, Call Me When You're Sober, is about the time that she dated
the lead singer from Seether, and they... uh... broke up? I mean... yeah, you write songs about stuff like that, typical... but. Ok, it sucked. Seether is much better at singing about drunken depression. Stick to singing about darkness and suicide. I can't even explain why it sucked. It just did; it seemed... just... I don't know. There was less power in the music than there was before.

Everyone has been raving and raving about Apocalyptica, so I thought I might finally give them a listen or two. I didn't before because I know they're notable for doing Metallica covers with... cellos? I'm not too fond of Metallica, so I was hesitant. I picked a Metallica song I knew and loved, so that they'd have half a chance at impressing me, since I'm a picky bitch. They actually performed For Whom The Bell Tolls fairly well. It's interesting to hear a song that's supposed to be done with electric guitars and bass and all that jazz solely on cellos, and I did think it sounded well. As talented as they are, it can get pretty annoying to listen to Metallica, basically, with different instruments, especially if you don't like them much in the first place.

And I'd better stop writing while I'm still ahead.

Still under construction

2006-10-21T17:13:00.000-05:00

All right, so I'm still working on this thing. The layout, I mean. Have plenty to bitch about, as usual.
The layout of this thing should change dramatically in the next few days. I'll be designing the layout
images myself, and my friend will code them for me, since my attempts resulted in nothing getting
done, and me with a headache.

It was a semi-nice day today. When I woke up, it was sunny and pretty, and the birds wouldn't
shut the fuck up. Why the hell are those assholes still flying around here? Isn't it getting too cold
for those feathered wind bags? I wish they'd die off like insects do in the winter. I fucking hate
birds.

Well, ok, maybe I don't hate them, and I think they're cute and all when I'm not with a headache
and I'm in a good mood. Or when they don't wake me up with their ungodly noise. And yes,
chirping and tweeting are ungodly when you didn't sleep all night and haven't had a sip of caffine.

For some reason, my IE doesn't want to work correctly. Sometimes, it spazzes out and refuses
to read any kind of code, no matter how pretty it is, or how dirty it is. I'd normally blame the
fact that I probably got a crappy download, but it's the kind that came with this computer. So,
either that means that IE is crappy in general (shut the fuck up, I'm in denial) or my personal
version somehow got corrupted. I'm not sure which.

It seems to display fine under Opera, and I assume that since this site recommends Firefox, it
works fine with Firefox. I also use a higher res than the standed recommendation of 800x600.
I figure that people won't really read this piece of shit, so I don't have to worry about pleasing
people with 800x600 (I use 1024x768), but my friend insists that the page should be viewable
for those with 800x600.

I'm having a really hard time designing the main image for the layout. I want to make
something creative and original, and I absolutely refuse to use anything someone already drew.
I insist on drawing my own layout, which means it's going to look like shit. I drew a feathered
black-and-white lady, but I severely fucked up on her chin and forehead, so she looks... uh..
yeah. However, I'll end up using Strange Lady if I can't think of anything else to draw.

And I'm actually too tired to further bitch.

At least for now.

A blog = very yes

2006-10-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

All right, so I've decided that Gaia isn't good enough for my sophisticated style of ranting and bitching.More like that they don't like it when every other word is "fuck" and you're bitching about things that no one's really heard of. Ever. And if an idiot happens upon my journal, and doesn't like what I'm bitching about, or they disagree with me, or something else, I have no right to really say anything to them. That would likely be because any response containing what I would consider remotely profane is enough to get me an IP ban.

Or sent to Hell. One of the two.

Though, to be honest, it's because I respect the mods there. I couldn't give a rat's ass about the rules, in reality. In fact, I disagree with a good amount of them. If someone insults me, I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to make them cry. Maybe not cry, but to let them know I'm not pleased. I wouldn't do something like that if I deserved the insult. And I know when I'm being enough of a pompous ass to know and admit that I deserve an insult.

Anyway, I've decided to make this blog for another reason, too: I need some form of release. I need to write down what I see, feel, hear, taste, smell, and touch. To get the emotion, or whatever feeling out of my body and somewhere else so that I don't burst. However, I know that me being an emo bitch about every little thing will probably not only annoy the fuck out of anyone reading this, but it'll likely be typical and rather boring.

So, I will do other things besides bitching about how much my life sucks. I occasionally watch movies. I will rate them,debate them, and talk about them here. I listen to music too much not to find something to praise or bitch about it, so you'll likely find a lot of that, too. I read a lot, when I've got time, and I can write about a particularly awful story, or awe-inspiring tale as well. This will definately get a lot of game reviews, both online and single-player games, since I play both a lot, as well as being someone in the industry.

Lastly, this looks really plain at the moment; I'm using one of the default templates. I plan to magically and spontainiously teach myself some HTML and CSS to make this look nice and pretty. I'm also going to enlist the help of my friend, since I doubt my ability to learn HTML and CSS. When I've got that all somewhat figured out, I'll add more shit to amuse you.

For now, it's just me being angry.

Deal with it.

Edit: All right, so I figured out that this thing isn't really just HTML. Or not really HTML at all. It's CSS.Do you know how fucking annoying CSS is when you don't even know HTML? After staring at the template code for close to an hour, I stopped going, "lol, wut?" long enough to figure out how to remove the underline from the links, which is an easy code by itself. I've made some images and I'm working on a background, so hopefully this will look decent sometime in the near future.